Dark Shadows

(Walking to class, a lonely hallway, and dimmed lights presents an interesting mental puzzle. )

I felt lonely and displaced.

Granted, I've made friends here. But my relationship continues to damper the amount of confidence my friends have in me.
Friendships are created by not just work environments or school environments, but what happens outside of those controlled environments. That's is where the bonding of friendship happen. That's where you prove yourself worthy of such gained trust in your friendships.

I don't get those opportunities.
Because I'm controlled and held back by the relationship that I am in. Which has become sterile with time and age.

So, the people I called friends. I'm better off just calling them acquiescence's. I can't call them up in a life or death situation. Or beg them for a huge favor.

Thus, they are a product of my own forthcomings, which then is shadowed by his sterilization.
Instead of being gladly accepted by my peers, I am, 'the girl you don't invite...because she won't come anyways'. I'll never walk and talk amongst my twenty some friends.

I'll live the life of the eighty year old crippled woman, until I make change.
Ironic that all this negative morality dawned upon me, as I walked through such a demonic like hallway.
I realized, yet again. I'm a product of a situation I refuse to take control of.
Like that hallway, I'm a victim of being left in the shadows.
The hallway weeps, and saddens my soul. Burdens me with the negativity that like myself, the hallway can not change its unforuntate placement in time and space.
The hallway is bound by structures, and I am bond by debt.

So, as you see. I'm the product of my own mistakes. I'm weak and can't take control of my life. Bond by the debt to sterilization. I await the day this unfortantue present can change. I await the day I have friends, who want to be my friend. I await the day, I can be me. I can be free. Call me naive, if you would like. I'm ready to experience my life, as mine.